I was not writing for a while.
May be I loved the outward silence it projected. Sometimes deceiving the world around about the beats that are playing inside your head is an act of doting yourself. It helps even in tricking your own mind to an inebriated melancholy!!!
The akvarellblock papers you bought for me from the shop opposite to the park with that big bougainvillea fencing, left untouched and was covered with the dust of my disownment. The words I had mustered once at ease, have now abandoned me for the want of emotions, which had been drained out while scribbling those letters never posted to you!
It is so strange to know, how the importance of things you once hold close to your heart, lose it's magic and charm over the time or how we teach ourselves that it no more has any importance. Walking with you every evening, was one of the most important routine of my life. Now sitting here alone and looking at those routine strollers, all I wonder is... whether it was ever important to you?
I was never afraid to voice my feelings, but somehow, I lost the art of playing it in soft tunes. How strange is it to see someone walking away from your life and feel the numbness in your heart, that you stand holding up the weight of the entire universe you built together, on your shoulder alone, trying hard not to drop it and yet seeing it scattering all around you. For a while one even forgets to breathe!
You have given me such super powers!! You made me realise a lot that which I never knew existed in me! May be I should thank you here.
I was so ordinary a soul with some scratches and stitches here and there. Hope was my religion and miracles my belief! You made me feel so special for a while only to shook me up to the reality and to sink back into my ordinariness again; leaving everything that has happened between us just a mirage!
But, now that I have outgrown the disinterests of you, one thing which weighed me down, I can rightfully claim the share of the Wisdom that once was hidden away from me; which is now revealed and bestowed by your sheer indifferences.
You don’t lose people from your life... you dont stop loving them either. You just get use to the distance and their absence. You learn to sing along to the music playing in your heart and start enjoying its rhythm alone. But deep down your heart misses one beat to every rhythm and it brings moist to your eyes. But then, it is life after all... just like any other win-win game. You need to play along untill you totally lose all its beats!
Well.. nevertheless to say, I do like the pause n replay button.. lot more than the alt+cntrl+delete.. ;)
So here I am... refurbishing again the best story of my life!
